This is the song of the moment because: is soooo Ebony Doll!!!!!!! when grow up is right, I'm not worried about fame, all I want is to share my vision. I am turnign 17 next month (yea me!!!!!!) every single year people tell me that I'm becoming a woman lol my sixteenth was the worst I decided not to have a party because I thought no one would come so I spent the entire day volunteering at a recreation center, surving people food and since a couple of my friends we're telling people that it was my birthday, some of them gave me money. I hope that I become a woman someday....or atleast feel like one at some point in my life. the only thing I want for my birthday is to have as much confidence as these women do.
We'll....on the contrary I slept good and hard but I had the stangest dream ='/ well...basicly we we're on our way to coulone, and I was getting dressed, it was the late evening ( alil late to be taking a field trip to the beach but none the less that's where we were going) and wile I was getting ready I decided to do alil voxing [the urge to multi-task is an inevitable cures that runs throught the women in my family lol jk] but as I was web sufing a ran into a few pop ups....and nudy sites (ewwww! I know) but suddenly I came across a site that said "not even close to legal but oh so ready to be loved", the pop up was in sepia and the explanation was hilarious (see the girl in their NATURAL habitat then imagine them getting down and dirty...featuring 4 girls that love too &*(% including two new teenage untouchable beautys.....sounds like a freak act in a circus don't it lol ) I had to see the rest of the page(I normaly surf on my sidekick and it only shows the top of the page and then you can scroll down from there) but as I scrolled down I see the picture I noticed how familiar they looked, too familiare, inface they we're really old pictures of ME And my BESTFRIEND BLUW..............from when we we're around 12 years old WTF!!!!!!! I seen it then suddenly thought (NO!!!!! this can't be possible I don't have any of these pictures on my blog and and......... what will this do to my future????? and... and... and....................... what will my Family say????) so I decided I was just imagining it and the girls probably just looked kinda like us, so I looked it up on my giant teddy bears stomach so I could get a better look(the teddy bear had a large computer screem that happened to be his tummy(I kinda want one like that now) but when I looked it up on the big screen it was worse than I ever could have imagined (we were'nt nude or anything you had to give a credit card number or sumthing to enter the site) but it showed about 20 pictures of just me and her with our friends and hanging out together, there was even a family photo I took with my parents on xmas when I was 11. I ended up showing it too my parents they asked me things like (what was wrong with me) and (what have byou done!!!!) but at the end we calmed down and decided that some one might have stole pictures Blue had stored on her Myspace....so as soon as she got back from germany we would inform her and the authoritys............but when I woke up I was sooooo shakin up I wanted to quit my vox all to gether so there was no trace of me on the internet. Now I really feel for the people that have to go through sitchuations like that, so today I'de like for you to pray for all the innocent and not so innocent internet victims out there and pray that others have the wisdom to stay out of those type of sitchuations....because that's exactly what I'll be doing.
Ebony Doll
I'm laying here all by myself drenched in darkness with a cellphone permanently glued to my fingertips, looking for distaction, peace.....no consulment....I could still be awake because my parents and their arguing, I could be disturbed because its very easy to go nowhere fast and I'm runing outa bus fair but honestly................................. All I wanna do I fall asleep in your arms, I listen to your heart beat wile our souls touch in utter and complete purity. love, hate, trust, fear, weakness and strenth swirling through the emotions of my mind as I dream of I love you's, you may never say and a security I can't not bring myself to believe exists beyond fairytales. So tell me you love me wile you play with my hair and fall asleep with your arms wraped around me as if I'm the toy you need to have so you can go to sleep at night. Tonight you are my bedtime story and just so you know, we live happily ever after.
EbonyDoll- day(night)dreaming
If you could leave notes for the future, what message would you have left in the past for today?
Well its kinda hard to say I'm not doing so well right now....health wise,school wise, home wise I'm all screwed up with no were to go so this is note I would love to have left (I don't know if it is true but I know this is what I would want it to say)
don't waste time on things that will hinder you
Focus on the things that will help you
So
Try harder
Do better
Stop whining
Build a bridge and Get over it
if people don't get you then oh well don't try and force yourself on them (or it will make you even harded to understand)
And don't worry because things will be ok and if no one else loves you, then I will.
Max Fleischer (July 19, 1883 – September 11, 1972) was an important Austrian-American pioneer in the development of the animated cartoon who served as the head of Fleischer Studios. He brought such characters as Betty Boop, Koko the Clown, Popeye, and Superman to the movie screen and was responsible for a number of technological innovations.
"Super Crucial"
as in "Dame girl you, are Super Crucial ;-)"
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McLovin, Willi girl, nae nae and all my soul singin sistas
Songs that describe my various emotions and mindsets for this summer
"Just because you didn't know, dosn't mean anyone was trying to hide it from you " Ebony Doll
As I look back I realized I have too many regrets that keep effecting my future......but all of them are unexplainable I can't tell you why ikept calling that guy till he didn't even wanna look at me anymore....I didn't have a crush on him(not in the slightest), he didn't owe me money, and he was rude but for some reason I could not leave him alone LOL, I always do that to some one and then find myself wondering why, oh why??? And through the prosses of writing this post I think I've brought myself some understanding. if you know me. Then you know some of my bigest faults are that I'm a perfectionist, emotional, bi-polar, depressed, self centered, clingy,too nice to people, too trust I talk to much and all in all am pretty annoying lol these things normaly make me cry because its true butt hen again its not. because only people that I feel akward around think any of those things, if I'm not nervous then everyone around me calls me perfect(yea I know.......how strange) but two of those faults are most diffenitly true, I am a perfectionist throught and throught and yes I am a bit self centered hahaha that's how come I can write then entire post on the subject of me with out even having to think about what I want to say(I'm my favorite subject) yes its a flaw but at the same time it dosn't bother me much.....until now those too small flaws that I happen to like about my self....are the root of all of my other flaws, go back to the guy I text stalked till he started to hate me lol well there was no reason for me to keep texting him because I had NO reason to BUT I'm a perfectionist, so when I thought he didn't like me very much (that's kind of a reason to stop right) but not for me I kept trying to show him how cool I was, then he thought I was to hyper I was around him all the time to show how serious I was, then he thought I was wierd so I worked at showing him how normal I was and then he thought I liked him(he didn't like me at all and belive me I was not attracted to him) so I worked at showing him how unattracted to him I was LOL believe me the whole thing was a disaster and it was all because I was too much of a perfectionist to leave things alone and I was so stuck on myself to realized that his openion wasnt that big a deal in the first place. Today I'm starting fresh. So when ever I feel self concious I will back off the sitchuation and when ever I find my self going overboard I will stop before everyone I know thinks imma phycho lol
